Salami, Sadness, Marriage and Nostalgia

"Can I die in the instant I'm having an awesome steak dinner and sleeping? Is that even possible?"  "Nah, you're getting greedy, Costanza. No salami in bed." 

I absolutely love adult time. I had the breakfast special with a dear friend this morning- today she played Costanza but sometimes it's my turn, and we devoutly talked about all manner of things not discussed with kids around. Remember when it wasn't Adult Time, but now it is because you awake into child-parent time and consciously carve out time with adults? It's a carnival of incomplete sentences among adults when the nuggets are around. You've just started sharing your perspective on gun safety laws when you stop to yell, " pants stay ON outside! Find another game to play, please." This is not meant as a complaint, just mild nostalgia. I think nostalgia is the child of Joy and Sadness. I saw InsideOut this past week and I loved it. In the film, the mind's inner team is Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear. Amy Poehler is the voice of Joy, and I love her. Joy, however, is a little bossy and has a really hard time making room for any of the other emotions for very long. It was a really interesting story and I've been puzzling it out all week. My 3 year old daughter cried at the end, not because she loved it but because she had waited 90 minutes to see some minions and NONE appeared. We thought it might go over the kids' heads, which is why we went to the budget theatre. The popcorn and orange soda rounded things out for all parties. 

Many times, sadness in others sounds to me like an alarm, to fix something, give comfort, soothe. I have been feeling sad lately about a relationship that is changing shape, maybe even ending, and my time spent in inquiry lead me to the possibility that sadness is not a call for help but the recognition of a transition. I notice that part of me that responds like Joy, wanting to captain this vessel with only good and no bad.  I hope you'll still love the movie after I give away the crux of the story (you really will, the cast is so great!) If we're willing to accept that all the emotions are valuable instead of Good or Bad, it becomes way easier to live in the grace of giving each emotion a turn at the wheel. Sadness accepts reality and honors its passage. Sadness ushers in our letting go, washes us clean. I think the experience of nostalgia does a really good job of illustrating the value of all our emotions, the offspring of joy and sadness. You know another one I just thought of? Regret. Ooh, that's a good one, but I haven't figured it out yet. I do know it's not Bad. It just is. Help me puzzle this one out?

On the way to school a few days ago my daughter says, " I wish I was a baby again". My son then says, " I wish I could go back to before she was born and I got all the attention" My mind did indeed hear this like an alarm sounding, and I acted on this new idea of  accepting the value of all emotions. I said, "I understand those thoughts, you guys. And Daddy and I loved you then and we love you now."