What if there were no decision to make, nothing to do? I've been simultaneoulsly putting off writing a new post and regretting not writing a new post for weeks now. I was just in the basement throwing in a load of laundry when this post started forming in my head so I came flying up to the computer. This is the perfect time to be writing this post. Ask me how I know?
Just before the laundry, I was reading to my two nuggets and getting them tucked into bed. We went long tonight because we are reading a book and couldn't stop. Their laughter was so intoxicating that I kept reading and reading. We love Nanny Piggins. Loading the washing machine I was musing about how totally satisfying tonight has been. It's Saturday night, at 9pm, and I'm in my pajamas. After I write this I'll likely snuggle on the couch with my husband to finally watch the season premiere of Lip Sync Battle. I am happy! I am happy. And some other Saturday night may be completely different from this one and I may say the same thing. The intention in sharing this is not to tell you, "you guys, parenthood is totally a maz ing, and I love every moment of it so neener, neener, neeeeeener" It's also not to share contrast and tell you about how parenting is so not perfect sometimes, confirming with little dark secrets, ..."because this shit's real, OK??" My intention is to try being both students and teachers together and note this moment. Tonight is a reprieve from wishing I was somewhere else and someone else, or wondering what other people think of me and what I'm doing. Have you had these thoughts? Without them, I am noticing the bliss of being solidly in my own business, not counting the beats and checking my steps against everyone else, hoping I'm keeping up just enough to just blend in. If I describe tonight maybe it becomes easier to find in the future. I have an awareness tonight of what staying present really does for me. Whereas before I knew it, tonight I get it. Focusing on the moment grounds me and reminds me that anything I could imagine pales in the light of what is, its perfect complexity. Centering on my business is the closest I get to reality. The more I focus on what other people think, why other people do what they do, the farther I get from the perfectly balanced complexity of what is. I get closer to peace when I'm centered in my own business.
I have said that I hate goal-setting and that New Years resolutions are dumb. I have rolled my eyes at making vision boards. And I have changed my mind. I tell my kids, "smart people change their minds". My change of mind has to do with this idea of centering on my own business. When I'm in my own business, my gaze is inward and I'm not searching or taking a poll. So I made a vision board. I used glitter. And now I think I know why I keep sitting down to write a post. The way to peace that makes sense to me is through self-inquiry. I write here instead of my journal because the best way to practice self-inquiry is in relationship. Looking inward, I notice that I want to share and I also want to receive, both teachers and students. My goal is to share self-inquiry with as many people as possible so that we experience more peace than we thought possible. My intention is to continue writing on my experiences of self-inquiry and offering self-inquiry workshops so that peace becomes easier and easier to find. Happy Sweet '16, I'm so grateful to be here with you.